Air Force Lullaby

I think I have been afraid. I wrote before about my boyfriend going into the Air Force. I wrote it, I was proud of it, but I was afraid of being judged for what I wrote and I deleted it out of that fear. So today I write again about the one thing that I can't get off my mind. My boyfriend decided to join the Air Force. It is a decision that haunts me. My dreams reflect it. I have gotten a lot of advice on the matter in the past couple of months. I'm not quite sure that anyone around me understands what it is that I am going through. I realize that sounds overly high school and dramatic, but in this case it really isn't. I would tell anyone before this date that I would never be with anyone in the military. It just doesn't look like an option to me. Your life is lonely. Very lonely. I would have said that I could never put up with that life. But now, hearing most of my friends and family telling me that it isn't worth it, telling me that I won't be happy, telling me that I should let him go before I get hurt, I find myself doubting decisions that I made years ago. If I leave him and this relationship that means that even when he is back for visits or making calls to friends and relatives, I won't be there and a part of it. I want to be there. I want to be part of it. Which means I have to stay with him. That means that I will be spending my Thursday nights at my church praying for him, my Friday nights with my church youth group so I can get other people to pray for him, and my Sundays as I already do, praying for him. I will spend my time thinking about him and praying for him because he won't be here. I will do all this because I wouldn't want to lose someone as smart, funny, strong, kind, handsome, silly and loving as he is. I will miss his smile and his fake Irish accent. But mostly I am going to miss the way that he squeezes my hand three times when he wants to tell me he loves me without interrupting the silence. I don't think that I write this for the world to see, but for those people in my life who want me to give up before I start spending my Thursday nights praying for him. He isn't perfect. He makes mistakes all the time, but that won't stop me from from changing my Thursday night ritual for him. God Bless.